Focus Dailies

I have not 'blogged' in awhile (by definition, it's a computer task) - but I have written. You know ... that thing you do with pen and paper -- ideally at the end of the day -- in a spiral notebook that stays beside your bed -- the one that has doodles and scriptures and lyrics to songs -- quotes and the occasional dark smear that was once an angry outburst, but for which you were ashamed later so you tried to erase it, or wrote over it with a sharpie .... Everybody has one of these, right? If not, don't tell me -- I don't want to appear odd.

Just because I haven't written 'bloggishly' ... I have still had things I want to write about. Some I have, some I haven't -- some ideas are recurring and haven't been put on paper, but they weigh on my mind and my heart. There are things now that are too fresh to write about -- it doesn't mean I'm ignoring them ... I'm just pondering and praying. I know God is working - It just hurts to watch the process.

I have - for all intents and purposes - worn glasses since I was nine. I say that because they were prescribed when I was nine -- and in fourth grade. I wore them as I left the house in the morning, and when I got off the school bus I put them back on. However, .... well if you don't understand the mind of a nine-year-old, you are probably not mature enough to be reading this. By the age of ten the vision problems were severe enough that I was forced to wear the glasses on a daily basis. I hated them. H.A.T.E.D them. I wore glasses all through school - even into my freshman year at college. At nineteen I got contact lenses and have worn them since. The versions have changed over the years (so has my vision ... ahem ...), but the assistance has been necessary since I was nine.

The contacts I wear now are called "Focus Dailies". O that t'were true....
What a lovely thought -- focus -- new every day. At night, I take out these pieces of plastic that have lain on my eyeballs all day -- and I throw them away. They have helped me clearly see the things I needed to see. They have provided me the vision to see things I sometimes wish I hadn't. They are clouded, by the end of the day, with dust and pollen and whatever else it is that gets in your eyes and makes those little specks and blobs that settle in the corners. But, every night before I go to bed, I take those contacts out and I toss them in the trash. The next morning I put in a new pair of 'Focus Dailies' ... and I see fresh and clear all over again - without the yuck of the day before to make my vision murky and blurry.

Some mornings when I put in a contact, it doesn't feel 'right'. Usually, when this happens, I take the lens out, hold it up on my finger, and check to see if it was put in 'upside down'. Contacts are funny that way. You have to put them in with the sides turned up - sort of like a bowl. If the sides go up and dip out, there's a problem. I have no idea why. That's just the way it is. If you are having trouble understanding what I'm saying, you have probably never worn contacts. You can stick with this vague comparison, or move on...your choice.

So, a couple weeks ago, I was putting in my contacts and one of them felt scratchy. I waited a few minutes thinking it was just morning and my eyes needed to adjust, then decided it was worth checking. I took the contact out, held it on my finger with just the center of the 'bowl' touching, and took a look. Hmmm... I couldn't tell if it was a bowl with a lip, or a straight sided bowl. Is that right? It looks right. Well... then again ... Dang it .... I don't know! The only way to tell was to turn the darn thing the other way. So I did. There it was -- the bit of a dip to the outside (honestly, it's indiscernible -- I have no idea how people who already can't see are supposed to be able to find that!). Nonetheless -- I saw that the lens was indeed the right way to begin with, so I flipped it back over -- the way it was to start with, replaced it on my eye -- and -- all good.

How many times has that happened to me? A lot. You can't wear contacts the number of years I have and not gone through that at least three times a week. Lens feels scratchy, remove it from eye, check it for the right shape, and put it back in eye. Simple - and very un-thought-provoking. Until that day a couple weeks ago....

Wow -- I had to see that wrong before I could tell it was right. I couldn't tell, until I had flipped the silly lens over, that it was already in the right position to start with.

Have to see it wrong before I see it right ... well, I put the lens back in my eye, but the thought stuck in my head all that day (and obviously has remained there ever since - poor thing). I saw that same concept applied with my students' work. Four answer choices... If you don't know the right one, find the wrong ones. It will at least narrow down your options.

If you've never met me, or read previous writing, you may not know that worry and doubt and 'what if' are my Goliath. I'm telling you that now. (For confirmation please see post number ... well, that would probably be all of them.) So, it seems that when I get a little mind-jolting revelation from something ordinary, it pertains to the problem areas in my spiritual life.

Maybe God wants me to see it wrong sometimes. Maybe hurting and crying and worrying are the scratchy lens. I don't like how it feels. It's not pleasant. I'll take it out -- check it again -- no, it's right. It's all good. It's the way God wants it to be ... it was just unpleasant for awhile. Like my vision, life's not perfect. If I could see, I wouldn't need the lenses to start with. If my life was perfect, I would think I never needed God.

I do. I absolutely require those contacts to function. Without them I would be blind. I need God. Even when things don't seem to be going right, are awkward, unhappy, painful ... it's still good. It's in place, going the right direction ... for awhile, it just isn't comfortable.

My 'Focus Dailies' are the best solution for my physical impairment. If I put them in wrong, that's my fault. They can only serve their purpose when situated correctly. If I don't put them in at all, well I'm probably going to stumble and squint - things will most definitely not be clear. You make the analogy. I have to go take out my contacts.
JM-1.10.11